Giving birth is an incredibly powerful activator to spark change in your life. (One of many.) I remember how I felt during those first days and weeks after Bracken was born. I felt opened up wide. I felt a deep connection to the interconnected web of all humanity. I felt camaraderie with mothers everywhere. I understood the love mothers have for their children and it was so overwhelming and beautiful. I felt a connection to all mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, cousins, to everyone and everything. I realized that everyone began their lives as pure, sweet babies. As people aged- all the crusty stuff gathered on top that they accumulated throughout their lives was just that- stuff. It wasn’t who they were. I knew in my heart that we were all radiant, divine, sparks of holy light and that was our true essence.

I looked in the mirror. I looked within. I truly looked at myself to see everything. I had been doing this for a long time, but birth activated this reflection so much more. I saw my crusty “baggage” I had been carrying- old habits, weaknesses, fears. I saw these things honestly. I acknowledged them, spoke them out, and prayed to the angels to help me release them. Life was giving me an opportunity to be a better parent and a better person. 

I had finally stopped along my path and looked at the heavy luggage I had been carrying. I had pretended it was not there for so long that I was surprised at how much it weighed. I set it down. I rolled my shoulders. I stretched my arms to the blue sky. What an immense relief! I felt so light. I felt so free. Acknowledging the baggage’s existence allowed me to see that it was there. I had always felt the weight of it, but had never admitted it’s existence before and chose to ignore it. Now I saw how much it had slowed me down. After the revelation, I was excitedly ready to start walking again. I was ready to skip, dance and frolic. How fun it would be to travel now that I could move so much more easily. My mind said “Let it all go!” Okay! Great idea! I looked around and saw a bunch of junk I didn’t need anyway. It was just slowing me down on the trail and I was ready to travel lightly.

So I continued on my path. Wow, that was easy. Then I came across someone I knew along the trail. A fear was activated in me and an old habit resurfaced, but I ignored it. We both continued on our way. As I walked, I noticed how my feet dragged, every step was so heavy. What in the world?! I looked and sure enough, I was carrying that darn baggage around again. How did it get there? I had set it down and left it behind. I set it down once again, saying sternly- “I’m done with you baggage! You are heavy and you serve no purpose. This is goodbye!” Then I ran as fast as I possibly could, leaving the heavy load behind. I ran and ran and ran. Nothing could catch up with me!

Finally, I slowed down to catch my breath. Soon, I saw other travelers passing by. I saw all this heavy baggage they were all carrying. I had never seen it before. I had ignored it all so it had been invisible to me. It was crusty, it was rusty and it all looked like a bunch of useless junk- even when it was all decorated. Some of them moved slower than turtles because they were dragging along such a huge bunch of stuff. They were all tired out and needed breaks all the time. They had no energy, vitality, or life force and their journey didn’t look like any fun at all. None of them saw their baggage, but continued to carry it. I looked down and saw my baggage once again. I knew I had seen lighthearted travelers in my time- people shining a little more brightly, with a little less crust. I knew there was a way to let it go. That there was a way to return to our bright centers.
Each time I ran, the baggage always returned. It was always there no matter how fast I tried to go. Eventually, I learned that running from my baggage didn’t make it go away. I wondered what would.
Then I was in the midst of a group of travelers. We were all taking a break and I mentioned that we could all move so much faster together if we could just let go of all our darn baggage. They looked at me like I was crazy. I told them about their baggage, that we all carried it. “Baggage? What baggage?” they said. “Right there!” I pointed. They didn’t see it. “Don’t you feel how heavy it is?!” I asked. It was invisible to them, but they had advice for me about mine. They said “Look at that butterfly! Look at that cloud!” Yes, I looked at the butterfly and the cloud and they were beautiful. But I didn’t want to be in that spot forever or move at a snail’s pace along the trail. I wanted to get moving. I had places to go, things to see, lessons to learn. I wanted to travel confidently forward. They said “Just don’t look at your baggage.” So I didn’t look at it, but it was still just as heavy and it weighed me down. No matter how long I ignored it, it was still there. Ignoring it and distracting myself from it wasn’t making it go away, just as running hadn’t. That way wouldn’t work for me so I continued down the trail alone.
I came across a traveler who was kicking their baggage. “What are you doing?” I asked. They could see their baggage, but they chose to kick it, curse it, cry about it, throw tantrums and refused to move further along the trail at all. I didn’t even try that method, I already knew that wasn’t going to work.
So I continued on my own down the trail.
I sat on a rock and watched the sky. I asked my heart how to let the baggage go.
Then I looked at all the baggage laying at my feet. I picked a piece up off the pile. I turned it around in my hands. I thought- Oh yeah, I remember when I picked that up. I thought of myself at the time. The reasons why I was afraid. Habits of action I still continued without even realizing it. I did something different in that moment and learned from that baggage. I created change. I loved myself at that stage. I loved that piece of baggage. Suddenly it transformed into gold.. into treasure…. then into a butterfly and lightly flew to the sky. I was free of that tiny piece of baggage. What a beautiful epiphany! What a relief to be a little lighter.
I looked at the pile again. It seemed huge and I wondered how long it would take to sort through it all and transform it all into treasure. It seemed overwhelming, especially since I was ready to be completely free. But now I knew how to let the baggage truly go. I no longer ran down the trail in fear, trying to outrun it. I no longer tried to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there. I acknowledged it’s existence. I looked at it. I faced it with courage. I faced myself. I learned from it. I grew from it. I loved it and it was transformed. Then I let it go and continued on my path.
I still had a heavy load, as all the travelers did, though some loads were lighter than others. Now I knew each time that I let go of a piece of baggage, I was a little freer and a little lighter. I was a little more clear in myself and continued to love myself more and more. I would stop along the trail every so often and transform another piece. Each time I moved faster down my path and felt the load lighten. I was no longer going in circles or running nowhere. I was moving steadily along and it felt so good.
I looked up, was it just me or were there a whole bunch more butterflies in the sky than there used to be?