“Just as water will sometimes bring with it storms and waves, the emotions of life aren’t always smooth. Often when unsettled feelings arise, people shut them down because they have been taught that unpleasant feelings are bad. In truth, feelings themselves are neither bad nor good but serve only to bring our focus to something that requires attention. Storms serve to clear the air, wash away the old, and bring life to the new. It’s not our feelings themselves that cause difficulty in life, but the repression or judgement of our feelings.”
“Only in accepting the full spectrum of our senses and emotions do we come to fully embrace the human experience. Experiencing only the good would rob us of opportunities to grow, discover, and learn. Our darker, more difficult feelings are just as vital as our lighter, easier feelings. Feelings of all sorts, light and dark, are our teachers, alerting us to opportunities to grow in our understanding of ourselves, others and the world we inhabit. Experiencing an unpleasant feeling may really be a gift.”
“Pain is an inevitable part of the human experience, and we need to appreciate it for the messenger that it is. It becomes a problem only when we get stuck with the messenger and don’t learn the message.”
“Feelings let us know when we have fallen out of harmony with our spirit. Unpleasant feelings let us know that we need comfort, sensual reassurance, and rebalancing. Sadly, many of us suffer through these blue episodes, waiting for some “prince” or “princess” to come along and give us what we need, which never happens. What we need to do during these blue periods is to accept responsibility for our feelings and begin to take care of ourselves.”
“When you are so honest that you can be scrutinized by anyone at any time and come out clean, you can be sure you are solid and safe in the world. It is a terrific feeling.”
Above are all quotes from the book ‘True Balance: A Commonsense Guide for Renewing Your Spirit’ by Sonia Choquette. I had a gift certificate to a book store and this book practically jumped off the shelf at me. It had a powerful influence on helping me to start taking care of myself and to heal. And now, many years later, I continue to go back and read it and it still teaches me.
Most of my life, I stuffed my feelings. I believed that unpleasant feelings were bad and I didn’t want to be a “bad” person, so I hid them away. Over time, I got better about letting them out, but there was a lot I was still stuffing. Then, when Bracken was born, I felt I couldn’t stuff my feelings any longer. He was a catalyst in teaching me to live in a healthier way and to be an honest person with integrity. A lifetime of feelings can be intense to feel all at once. I felt overcome with guilt for feeling anything I thought was bad. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings so I tried to ignore my own as I always had, but it simply didn’t work anymore.
I’ve come to realize that we need to let these feelings out. If we deal with them as they arise, then we won’t be a bottled up volcano ready to burst at the next trigger.
The thing is, holding those unpleasant feelings inside of us is really harmful for our physical bodies. It creates a toxic environment and can even make us sick. And who wants that?
I say, let’s take responsibility for our feelings and face them! We can have so much more freedom and joy in our lives if we do.
So, what can we do to let these feelings out?
Some of my favorite ways are to-
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Talk about how you feel with someone you trust.
You don’t need to ask for advice or try to “figure out” what to do about your feelings. Just simply talk them out so you aren’t carrying them around inside anymore.
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Journal. Then journal some more.
This is one of my favorite methods, because I love writing so much. I have a nice journal where I write my gratitude list every night. If I have a confusing and overwhelming assortment of feelings I need to write, I usually don’t do it in my nice journal. I write it on scratch paper, let my handwriting be messy, and don’t censor myself (which can be a challenge sometimes.) I usually burn these afterwards and when you don’t have the fear of someone reading it, you typically feel more free to let it out.
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Yell into a pillow or punch a pillow
I know this one sounds super silly, but have you ever done it? It feels so good! When I yell into a pillow, I like to do it outside because it all seems to dissipate in the fresh air. The reason I yell into a pillow is so I won’t startle the neighbors. When I punch a pillow, I usually end up laughing. Anger is definitely something I’ve stuffed in my life, so I haven’t used these techniques very often. I was judgmental of angry people and prided myself on not getting angry, when actually I just stuffed it away. The truth is, everyone gets angry. And there is nothing wrong with it at all. It’s important to learn to let our anger out and deal with it in healthy ways.
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Write a letter
Write a letter to someone you need to express your feelings to. You can burn it after you’re done, or you can give it to them. Let your heart decide.
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Make up a silly song
Make up a silly song about what you are upset about. It’s so therapeutic! The sillier the better!
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I wrote a blog post awhile ago called
that has some more techniques that help.
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Yes, life gets stormy sometimes. If we accept our feelings and embrace the lessons, we can flow through the storms so much more easily. And if we are honest with ourselves, we can give ourselves the love and care we truly deserve.
What are your favorite ways to express your feelings in a healthy way?
I so wish I could meet you in person one day…
Love hearing from you all! 🙂
I forgot to mention pounding sauerkraut! Very therapeutic!
Thanks for the great ideas/reminders! I really enjoy reading your blog and always feel uplifted after doing so. Thank you!!
Thanks for this one Taryn. I like the idea of burning the journaled thoughts – or I guess you could put them thru the paper shredder. Journaling helps me a lot, and I’ve done my share of yelling into pillows and beating the bed with a plastic bat, too! (My best bud Sonja and I used to do that together when we were little!)
And having a good ol’ wailing cry can feel so good; preferably alone, where no one can hear. 🙂
You are very honest and true. I like that!
I find writing things down helps. Writing a letter to that person who has upset me is also very helpful.I like the idea of a silly song, funny!
I love your gorgeous spring raindrop photos.
Blessings to you,
Trish
I have a nice golf club I use to beat the heck out of my bed when I get upset..
hey its better than beating a human.. and it works too.. cheap therapy!
Denise in TN