Last night our world was rocked.

Rewind.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 3:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt restless. I layed there anyway, until finally deciding to get up. I published my Gratitude Sunday post. Little sleepy head woke up. Jeff made us a delicious breakfast and we headed out the door to market.

At market, I noticed Bracken wasn’t his usual self. I noticed that Jeff and I weren’t either. I felt a little ungrounded and figured we were all exhausted from our second market day in a row (and our busy weeks in between) and that we would be fine when we all got home and got a good night sleep. Basically we were all a little “off”, though we had a pretty good market overall, anyway. Looking back, I think our intuitions were sensing something all day.

At the end of the long market day, we packed up all our stuff and loaded up our truck. Then we headed for home. We had stopped for gas that morning, so we wouldn’t have to stop that night and could just go straight home. I was driving and Jeff was in the back. It was dark out and we had an hour drive home before we could get some dinner made. We were driving on Highway 126. The stoplight in Veneta (a little town outside Eugene) was green, so I kept driving. I had a long line of cars behind me. Suddenly a car over on the right pulled right out in front of us to get to the other lane. I was so completely startled and it happened so fast. There was no way I could miss hitting the car. I tried to turn the wheel, honk, and put on the brakes. But at that point, there was really nothing I could do. We collided. Hard. It was so scary. The front of our truck was all smashed, steam was coming out from under the hood. Jeff said to get Bracken out of the car immediately. I got out and ran around to the passenger side and got Bracken out. I told Jeff I couldn’t get the truck over to the side of the road because it wouldn’t even start. The driver from the other car walked over to the side of the road where we were. She apologized over and over, saying how sorry she was, how she hadn’t looked that way at all before turning. Someone stopped their car and called the cops. I cried, saying how grateful I was that we were all alive. But I tried to hold back my tears because I knew if I let go than Bracken would too. I tried to be strong, I didn’t want it to be any more traumatic for him than it already was. Bracken and I were okay. Jeff knew right away he was hurt. His ribs ached and it hurt to breathe. He didn’t think anything was broken though. The other driver said she was banged up, but that she was alright. It was the first accident Jeff had ever been in. I seem to recall being a passenger during a fender bender when I was young, but I had never been in a major accident before. When we first got out of our truck and steam was billowing out from under the hood, we were concerned our truck would start on fire, which would have been devastating since all of our stock was in there, what we rely on to make a living. It felt like so much of our life was packed in that truck and that so much depended on it. (Especially this time of year when we rely on our income from Holiday Market to pay bills during the months without market- January, February, and March.)

The cops came. The ambulance came. They checked over Jeff and the other driver. It was all so surreal. All those times you drive past a horrific accident, looking at the people along the road and hoping that they are okay… we were those people. We handed over license and registration. We gave reports. My hands were shaking when I had to sign my name and the guy told me that was normal. The other driver told the police that she hadn’t looked our direction before turning, she had only looked the other way. She kept saying “I could have killed that baby….” over and over, and looking down in shame. I think she was a teenager and a new driver. She was really sweet and I knew she felt terrible. I hugged her a few times. I looked in her eyes and said “Don’t beat yourself up. We’re all okay. That’s what matters.” I was just relieved that we were alive!

Both cars were totaled. Car parts were strewn all over the road. They blocked the highway off. The paramedics and police were all so incredibly kind. I felt grateful for all the them, they made the terrible situation so much better with their kindness.

Tow trucks came to clear the road. Our car insurance would only cover towing our truck to the nearest car place, not back to our house. But we needed everything in our truck. And we needed it at our house. The tow truck said we would have to pay for the tow in full that night. Okay. We knew it was going to cost a lot. Unfortunately, the tow truck couldn’t fit all three of us, to give us a ride home with our truck. What were we going to do? They gave a suggestion that one of us could ride in one tow truck, while the other two would ride in their second tow truck. But that would be the price of two tow trucks! We didn’t want to call any friends to come from Eugene and drive us all the way out to the coast and then go back, or call any friends from Florence and drive… you get the idea. Jeff said that Bracken and I could go in the tow truck to home and he would just hitch hike. No way. I needed to know we were all getting home safely. 

I did a lot of praying throughout the night, something I tend to do at times when I’m feeling afraid or overwhelmed and need extra reassurance and centering. Everyone was leaving the scene and only one police officer remained. It was getting later at night and we felt stranded and anxious. At this point I looked up at the sky and said “Angels, we need a miracle.” We all have things we go to in our time of need. I go to my guides and Angels, my intuition… and I pray. 

Then I had a hunch. We have friends who split up awhile back. I had Lara’s phone number, which stayed the same. Spencer kept the house, but had a different phone number. The house happened to be in Veneta, not far from where we were. So I called Lara and asked for Spencer’s number. I called, but got the answering machine. Darn. One of the police officers said he could give me a ride somewhere in Veneta, but that was as far as he could go. I suggested that Jeff go with the tow truck home and Bracken and I would get a ride from the police officer over to Spencer’s house. I didn’t even know if he was home. But I had a feeling it would work out somehow and I didn’t see any other options. Jeff didn’t like it, but he agreed. I got the number to the tow truck he was riding in so I could call and let him know if Spencer was home, so he wouldn’t worry. On the way to Spencer’s house, he called and said he got my message and could give us a ride home if we needed one. Bless him! He drove Bracken and I home and I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for that. It was about a 45 minute drive for him one way. I sat in the back seat with Bracken and he wrapped his hand around my pinky finger and held it the entire way home. Goodness, I loved that. And then he fell asleep. We got home. I carried sleeping Bracken in my arms, to get his pajamas on and carry him up to bed. 

The tow truck got the truck dropped off in the driveway. The tow cost a whopping $380! Jeff and I were both so sore. My body ached all over. I had been out in the cold all night without my sweater because I left it in the truck and didn’t want to go back in there to retrieve it. I don’t think I even realized I was cold until I got home. We had hot baths. We passed out in exhaustion. What a night.

Looking at the truck this morning, it doesn’t look as banged up as it did last night. Jeff has been on the phone much of the day talking to the insurance companies. We need a rental car until we can buy new transportation. They said they would only cover a regular size car. Well, we can’t fit all of our market stuff in a regular size car. They said we’d have to pay the difference of $20 a day to get a truck instead. Finally Jeff talked to a manager and they said they’d cover  a van. Thank goodness. Trouble is, the rental car place is in Eugene. But we have no car to go pick it up. Jeff called a taxi to find out rates today. Some friends offered to drive us, but it would be so far out of their way. Jeff didn’t want to inconvenience them. So the taxi it is. We forgot to ask whether they charge more for each passenger or if it’s a flat rate?

I talked to my sister on the phone tonight and was telling her what happened. She said, in her loving  and insightful way, something about how it certainly got us to slow down. Jeff is not feeling well enough to work right now. He commented on the timing, when we need to be able to work the most. But it’s funny what my sister said because I had the very same thought. We’ve been going fast lately. Too fast. We do need to slow down a bit. And this certainly got us to do just that.

Thinking about the accident is still startling. Getting in vehicles will probably feel strange for awhile. I’m still a little shaken up and could use another hot bath tonight, to be sure (but sleep is calling me.) I want to hug my loves even more than I usually do. There was that moment, right before the crash, when I knew things were entirely out of my control and all I could do was let go and hope for the best. In a way, it woke me up. It reminded me that: 

Life is a gift. Each and every moment is a gift. It’s a blessing to be alive!