Bracken in the garden in early October.
Some days are challenging, aren’t they? And sometimes weeks and even years. Lately the bills have been piling up as our stress rises, Bracken’s behavior has been driving me a bit batty, and I’ve felt powerless to change things in our life that I very much want to. I’ve felt just tired of being patient. Patient with a little one who tests me constantly, patient waiting for big changes that I want to see happen… I’ll stop there. You know how it goes. We all have our own struggles in different areas. And lately I’ve felt a heavy weight on me. Last night especially. The day was not ending on a positive note and I just wanted to give up and go to bed. Bracken and I headed upstairs and Jeff headed to work. I laid in bed. Bracken wanted me to read him a story. I felt so heavy I could hardly move my body. I just wanted to lay there. And honestly, I just wanted to feel sorry for myself and maybe curl up in a ball and cry it all out. Bracken started being goofy and was trying to make me laugh, to lighten the mood. I could hardly laugh at first, but slowly I felt the weight lighten a bit. I looked Bracken in the eyes, seeing his bright spirit shining through and said: ‘Bracken, you are so precious to me. I love you.’
He said ‘thank you mommy’ and asked me to say it again. And again. And again. He couldn’t seem to hear those words enough. And even though I tell him I love him every day, he needed those words especially right then. All the sudden a magic washed over us as those words helped counteract the day. Helped counteract the words ‘you’re driving me crazy’ and all the other things we said to each other in our frustrated moments. I asked Bracken if those words made his heart feel happy and he said yes. And every time we said I love you to each other, it made my heart feel happy too. I felt relieved. And I knew all of us needed to go to sleep with a happy heart that night, not heavy hearts. That’s no way to end the day, is it? We called to Jeff downstairs. He came up. We had family cuddle time. We looked each other in the eyes and said kind words. Words of love, gratitude, and appreciation. Words that let each other know that regardless of our frustrations that day that we sometimes took out on each other, we cherished each other. That we were a team working together, a family, and that we didn’t need to bare it all alone. Jeff decided not to go back to work, but to go to sleep instead. We turned off the light and I told a story, making it up as I went along. Jeff fell asleep before I finished it. Bracken wanted me to tell another story. Eventually we all fell asleep. And we all ended the day with much lighter, much happier hearts. This morning we woke up to a fresh day with fresh possibilities.
I felt the way we ended the day helped create a better start for the next one.