This post might seem to go all over the place, like I’m jumping around. Bear with me. I have a lot of thoughts on my mind, wanting to bring together the different puzzle pieces I’ve been thinking about.

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Other people’s lives can look so perfect or so much easier than yours in some way, can’t they? (The grass is always greener, right?) When you see all they have, or when you read their gratitude lists, or notice what seems to be working so well for them. It’s especially easy to think that when you are reading blogs and see daily doses of the happy bits. With this space, I write what I feel inspired to write about. And most of the time that’s the things that bring me joy. My intention for this space is to be a place to give you some inspiration for your day. With the limited computer time I get each day (most of it is for work), if I pop by a blog I appreciate getting a daily dose of inspiration too. Especially when I’m feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, stressed or uninspired. I can take a deep breath, enjoy some beautiful pictures, and feel a little more renewed or inspired for my day. I appreciate when people share their joy and I feel like it’s a blessing on my day. I also appreciate when people honestly share what’s going on behind the scenes and share their struggles, their feelings, where they are at. I can relate to them in their struggles and feel a connection, thinking ‘yes, I know just what you mean.’ It also is a relief knowing that we are all human and it’s okay that I’m not perfect, no one else is either. I think getting a peek into someone’s thoughts and feelings is one thing I love about blogs so much. When you meet someone in person, you can get a feeling maybe about what’s going on under the surface, but when you read their blog you get to see how they are feeling, what they are thinking, what their dreams are. You really get a peek at what’s behind the surface, a glimpse into who they are. When people share the real parts of themselves, that’s usually what makes me love them even more.

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I sometimes joke with my mom that she gets to see “Wooly Moss Roots uncensored.” She doesn’t just see the pretty pictures or the latest creation on the blog. She calls and witnesses the moments when I’m at my wit’s end, when I feel frustrated, and out of patience. She listens to my worries and my fears. She gives me encouragement and insight. She helps me when I’m being too hard on myself. Most days when you come to this space, you will see bits and pieces of our life that bring me joy and inspire me. I want to share those things with you in the hope that they will lift you up and brighten your day too. But when you read them, please don’t think that’s all there is. It’s not. There’s more behind the scenes that I don’t share. It’s not that I’m opposed to doing so. I’m pretty much an open book and I talk about most things. It’s just that sometimes to write about deeper things requires more time and space than I have the time for. Does that make sense? It’s easier to fit a small post and write a few words about something than to take a step back, see the bigger picture, and really delve in and write about it all. There’s meals to make, messes to clean, orders to mail out, and life to live. Balancing home, family, and making a living takes most of what I’ve got. There’s not a lot of space leftover for writing the big stuff. (This is all being written during a boy’s nap time, which is normally dedicated to work.) And also, I don’t like to use this space to complain overly much. I share most of my complaints with my close loved ones and when I feel heard and understood, then I can (hopefully) pass to the laughing stage, feel lighter, and then keep going. When I’m worrying too much and getting too serious, I know it’s time for a good dose of humor to lighten things up. I want to keep a higher perspective.

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Once a friend asked about the gratitude list I wrote every night before bed. She was wondering about starting one too. She asked me an honest question. “Don’t you just write the same things day after day, though?”  Yes. Yes, I do. I write many of the same things day after day. (Which you will likely see when you read my Gratitude Sunday posts for awhile.) Especially when I first started a gratitude journal. But something shifted inside of me after keeping a gratitude journal for awhile. It wasn’t that suddenly my life magically had more things to be grateful for, it was that every day I started looking for things to be grateful for. My perspective shifted. When you start looking around you in your everyday life for things to be grateful for, it creates a powerful change. The more grateful you are, the more things come your way to be grateful for. It’s beautiful how that works, really. So when I write what I’m grateful for every day, the content may not be very original or even very interesting to anyone else. Most days my lists say things like: “Getting the dishes done” or “Doing two loads of laundry.” I want to celebrate the little things I accomplish or do or experience each day. If it’s been a particularly hard day, it might be a stretch to come up with 10 things to write on my list easily. The entire list might consist of things like the ones above. Getting a meal made. Making the bed. It was a long hard day. I want to call it a day and start over tomorrow. The end. But sometimes the hard days make me dig deeper to think of things to be grateful for and after writing them out, I realize things weren’t as dismal as I felt they were. Most days I actively look for things to be grateful for and writing them down has become second nature. It doesn’t really matter what I write, though, or if I’ve written it before, it just matters that I’m feeling grateful and taking the time to be thankful each day. It’s good for my spirit and that’s why I do it. It also reminds me of what brings my spirit joy and inspires me to do more of those things. Sometimes on hard days I start focusing too much on everything in my life I don’t have. On hard days, like everyone knows, it’s much easier to feel sorry for yourself. Keeping that daily ritual of writing what I’m grateful for brings me back to my center and brings my focus back to everything that I do have in my life right now. It reminds me of what is really important in life: love. And that it’s not in the having, but in the experiencing. Gratitude strengthens me in hard times. I really believe it helps us rise above our challenges and that gratitude is essential for a joyful life. You won’t automatically be happy if you get x,y, or z, but you will have joy in your heart if you are grateful each and every day to be alive and for the beautiful moments and loved ones you are blessed with.

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 I remember a conversation I had with a friend at market one day. He was working really hard to create something in his life, but it seemed no matter how hard he tried, obstacles kept popping up in the way. Hurdles he had to jump through, over and over again. It was really making him question whether he wanted to do it, thinking that if it was so darn hard maybe he wasn’t meant to do it at all. But as he talked about his dream, I really felt his spirit coming through and felt absolutely he was meant to do it. At that time I was also wondering a similar thing that he was, so our conversation was very timely. I’ve always had this idea that if you followed your heart, then everything would work out. One way or another. I had the thought that if you followed your heart everything would flow magically and doors would open and it should just be easy. Right? All the lights would flash green and you’d be happily moving towards your dream. And if all the lights turned red and you saw a stop sign everywhere you turned, then it just wasn’t meant to be, right? But now I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think sometimes our hearts lead us in directions that take a lot of hard work. Sometimes obstacles come up over and over again and it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to choose another path, it means that we need to overcome them. Sometimes the right way for us is not easy at all. Sometimes when something blocks our path that feels like a stop sign, it’s actually an opportunity to carry on. Other times we follow our hearts and it is smooth flowing and easy. But not always. Sometimes following your heart is downright hard and it requires so much more of you.

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Last year Jeff made friends with a homeless woman who we saw every week at the Saturday Market. Her name was Barb. To be honest, I completely avoided her. She had three dogs with her and would yell and shout loud cuss words. The angry outbursts were enough to keep me away. We figured she was schizophrenic. Jeff wasn’t so easily deterred. I usually feel uneasy and afraid around many homeless people. Maybe that makes me sound bad, I don’t know, but I’ve always felt that way. Jeff, on the other hand, just doesn’t get as afraid of people as I do. We’ve known some grouchy people that I personally stayed away from as much as possible, but Jeff would see beyond the surface act. He was friendly and even with some “hard nuts to crack”, he worked on them (sometimes over years) until he got them to laugh. It’s one of his gifts I guess. He sees inside people and sometimes he can bring out the best in them. I’ve seen people transform from defensive, abrasive, and scowling, to smiling and laughing when Jeff got through with them. And I’ve been amazed quite a few times. So anyways, we always ate our breakfast in the car on the way to the market since we left so early. One day Jeff had some leftover breakfast when we arrived at market. He walked over to Barb (their first encounter) and asked if she would like it. She most definitely did. (I was so glad he had done that, but I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to walk over to her.) The next week he hadn’t finished all his breakfast and he offered the food to her again. She accepted. Pretty soon it became a weekly ritual. We would pull up. She would be sitting in the same spot. Jeff would bring her over some food. She asked his name one day and then he found out her name was Barb. She told him she was an alcoholic. On Saturdays he never finished his breakfast. He never seemed as hungry on those days. I would smile to myself, knowing that he was saving as much as he could for Barb. A few times, if we traded at farmer’s market for a whole flat of strawberries, he would bring Barb a little container of them. I noticed something about her behavior. The more weeks that went by, the less she would yell. Some days she would yell and then Jeff would come over and she would get quiet, calm, and peaceful. She was always so happy to see him. On the rare day that she wasn’t there, Jeff would wonder where Barb was. Then there were a few weeks in a row that we didn’t see her. We were worried about her. One day another homeless woman was sitting in the same spot and Jeff went over and asked her about Barb. She said that Barb was in the hospital. It didn’t look good. We didn’t think we’d ever see her again. Every time we pulled up at market and looked at that spot, I would think about her. Sometimes Jeff and I would mention her. Whenever we had leftover food in the morning when we arrived, I would look down at it and remember her. A long time passed. This year we started going to market again. Still no Barb. And then, on Saturday, it was time to pack up our booth for the day. She popped into my head for some reason, but I didn’t think anything of it. Then, as we were about to leave, Jeff said to me: “Is that Barb?” There was a car in the way so I couldn’t see. He went over to her and sure enough- it was Barb. He gave her two honeysticks, the only food he had with him. She was in a wheelchair, with a hospital gown visible under her layers, in the rain, with her head tilted back and looking barely conscious. She wasn’t looking too good. We don’t think she is long for this world. I don’t know if we will see her the next time we go to market or not. But I’m glad Jeff got to see her Saturday, even if it was for the last time. He got to give her a little more kindness. We get some closure this way, seeing her again. And it was also a dose of reality for me. I spent the day complaining about cramps, chasing a toddler around and trying to keep him from grabbing everything in all the booths, wanting to sit down, and thinking about bills. Barb was struggling with more than I could imagine. Once again, I was given the gift of seeing the bigger picture.

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So, if you are reading this and you are having challenges, maybe just day to day things or maybe a particularly rough patch, you are not alone. We all have challenges, every single one of us, in all different areas of our lives. That’s why we’re here: to learn and grow. I think the trick is not to take our challenges personally. We haven’t failed because we haven’t figured something out yet. We’re still learning. Every single challenge is an opportunity to create something better in our lives. Challenges let us know when something hasn’t been working and give us an opportunity to change it. They can also be very strengthening. Sometimes I have to remind myself: this experience is going to make me stronger. Or wake up in the morning and exclaim: “my future is bright!” When I go through hard things in life, I do my best to look for the opportunities in the challenges. I wonder: what is the lesson in this? How can I grow from this? I have to consciously remind myself to ask these questions. When not feeling particularly grateful, to say: what can I be grateful for right now?

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Just remember: you are so much stronger than you know!
And you never know what opportunities will show up….