Another trip to the lake, with some huckleberry picking this time. It may have been our last swim of the season. We’ll see. The water felt so much colder this time. After we’d been swimming and then picking berries for awhile, we discovered a sandy beach area. Bracken wanted to dip his toes in the lake one last time and had so much fun splashing around. We didn’t bother getting his life vest back on and all his swimming stuff since he said he just wanted to get his feet wet.
There have been other things on my mind and I’ve been waiting till the right time to write about them here. Actually I wasn’t sure if I’d write about it at all. I wanted to let my emotions calm down a bit first. I don’t like to spread fear and get people’s emotions worked up. But I also like to be honest and write about how I’m feeling and what I’m experiencing. I know I appreciate other people’s honesty and when we share our truth we can all help each other so much. If what I write here can help someone reading this, than that is why I’m writing it.
Jeff went to the market by himself today while Bracken and I stayed home. I posted about the lake and how beautiful the world is last Saturday morning before we left for market. (Ironically, later that day I thought how unsafe the world felt.) That day Bracken ran away from me a few times at the market, feeling pretty comfortable there since we go so often, and thinking it was a very fun game to have mom chase him. I always caught him right away, but it was still unnerving. At the end of the day we had a bizarre and scary experience. We were packing up our market stuff and loading it into the car. Bracken was in between our booth and a neighbor’s booth. I had my eye on him and suddenly had a strong mother’s intuition when a strange man came up. I won’t go into all the details, I just wanted to write about it in general. I acted in time and protected Bracken, scooping him up in my arms. We got out of there and drove home. We were safe. But the whole experience really shook me up. Big time. It was so shocking and unexpected, while Jeff and I were both there and in broad daylight, to feel our safety threatened like that. That night I cried and cried. And then I cried more the next day. Jeff offered to do market by himself this weekend, saying he felt it would be good for Bracken and I to take a weekend off. That was wise. We’ll be back again, of course. But we needed to take a step back this weekend to regroup a bit.
I want to protect my child. I want Bracken to feel safe in the world. I don’t want to scare him. I want him to grow up feeling that the world is a beautiful place. And it is. But at the same time, the world is not always a safe place and I have been sheltering him from that as much as possible. There have been times in my life when I knew I was in danger. When I was walking to kindergarten from my babysitter’s house, with two friends by my side, when a black truck started following us slowly. The three of us all got a very strong impulse to run the rest of the way and arrived at school completely out of breath while we watched the truck reluctantly drive away. We overhead adults talking later about a black truck following children to school around that area. Or the time when my sister and I went on a summer bike ride when we were kids and decided to explore an abandoned building in the woods. As we approached the door, suddenly my instincts said “Get out of here!” and I grabbed my sister’s hand we ran back to our bikes as fast as we could. I never had anything confirmed with that one, but I didn’t need to because my vibes were loud and clear. Or the time when I held baby Bracken in my arms, getting ready to put him in his car seat, while Jeff started unloading groceries, and two people approached asking us if we would like some candy. As I saw them walk towards us, my inner voice said loud and clear “Danger!” and I was immediately afraid for our safety, knowing their intentions were not good at all. I think other people walked up and they quickly ran away. Doesn’t even sound as scary now, but it was the energy of it that was terrifying at the time. There have been times in my life when I’ve acted on these instincts and there have been times that I haven’t. Or acted too late because I was afraid.
I believe that when we listen to our intuition it can open up miracles in our lives, time and time again. Synchronicity and magic. But sometimes it’s not as simple as rearranging our schedule for the day or signing up for a new class. Sometimes it means acting fast. Intuition is essential for keeping ourselves and our loved ones safe. The thing is, though, that it’s not always easy to follow. Sometimes our brains will doubt us. Sometimes other people will doubt us. Sometimes a whole bunch of people will think we are totally nuts. But it’s so important to listen anyway. And this is what I’m learning. Over and over throughout my life.
After the learning experience last weekend, it has opened up a new conversation between Jeff and I. How much do we need to shelter Bracken and how much do we need to say to him to keep him safe? After talking a bit with some family and some neighbors, it seems perhaps a healthy amount of fear is a good thing. We’ve made it very clear to Bracken now that he can’t run away from me at market or anywhere, for that matter. Bracken is sweet and innocent and trusting. As all children naturally are. He assumes everyone at market is our friend, but in public places there are people you can’t trust. We’re working to find our balance in what we say to him and what we don’t, as all parents do. After last weekend, I questioned myself a few times: what if I was totally wrong about the situation? But I know deep down that I wasn’t. A mother’s intuition is a powerful thing. (Don’t mean to leave you dad’s or anyone else out. Intuition is so important for all of us.) Remember: listen to it, and don’t doubt yourself.
Have there been times that your intuition has protected you from danger and kept you safe? Share your stories below if you feel inspired to do so. I believe when we share our stories with one another, they help us all.