I have been wanting peace. Needing peace. Our whole family has. But we’ve been going through a rough patch around here and things haven’t been particularly peaceful lately. Awhile ago I shared a bit with you about Bracken’s speech challenges. There was a possibility that he had something called apraxia of speech. At this time we are sure that he does indeed have apraxia of speech and our speech therapist agrees. We didn’t know anything about it and only found some information here and there scattered on the internet. Since then Jeff and I have been doing more research and are getting a better understanding of what we are dealing with. Basically apraxia of speech is neurological damage in the brain that makes it hard to coordinate the muscles in the mouth and jaw area. There are different kinds of apraxia and some people have other areas of their body affected. Bracken only has apraxia of speech. There’s so much to know and more to it than I’ll be able to explain in today’s post, but if you’d like to find more information about it, this site explains a lot.
I came across a blog recently where a mom was talking about her daughter with apraxia of speech and how hard it was for her to nurse when she was a baby. Bells went off for me!! Bracken had such a hard time latching right from the beginning and breastfeeding was hard for us. I didn’t understand why. Why was breastfeeding so hard for us? Why was it so difficult for him to latch? Now I know. It was hard for him to control those muscles in his mouth. We worked and worked together and he was able to successfully breastfeed. I’m so grateful for that, more than I can say. What this realization tells me is that Bracken’s apraxia either started when he was still in the womb or during labor. My intuition tells me while he was in the womb. But what caused it? We don’t know. There’s still so much that people don’t know about apraxia of speech. General information says it is lifelong and that it isn’t something that you just grow out of. They also say speech therapy is very important. I’ve read that it’s related to autism, a branch of it.
But the general information we’ve found hasn’t been enough to satisfy us. We wanted to know more. What causes the neurological damage in the brain? What can we do to help children with apraxia of speech? Jeff came across an online group for parents of children with apraxia. Other parents have shared the best information we’ve come across so far. They share from their personal experience what has helped them. What has made a difference for their children. And they are the most passionate people on the planet about that topic because it has to do with their children. We are deep in learning right now. Jeff ordered some supplements that studies have shown to have incredible results. Once we learn more and try more, we will share whatever we find to help. There’s not enough information available, just parents sharing with other parents, and I want to make more information available for everyone. To make it easier for parents who are first finding out and had never heard of it, either. I’m hopeful, with some of the information we’ve found, that we can help ease Bracken’s frustration. I’m praying.
Practicing speech is so important to make improvements when it comes to apraxia. Sometimes Bracken is really reluctant to practice and it’s hard for me to get him to cooperate. Our speech therapist says “we are asking these children to do something that is extremely hard for them so it’s understandable that they would feel that way.” Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to know what you want to say, but not have your muscles cooperate in the right way for the words to come out how you want them to? I can’t imagine the frustration that Bracken feels sometimes. Lately his frustration has increased. He’s been known to throw a good fit in his day, but lately the tantrums have reached epic proportions. There have been days I’ve been in tears because I’ve reached my threshold of how many tantrums I can handle in a single day. (I couldn’t do it without Jeff! And my mom’s daily calls of encouragement!) When the day starts with one and ends with one and there are many scattered in between, it’s just too many. I’ve read that apraxia of speech also has behavioral issues that go hand in hand. This is understandable since tantrums usually have to do with communication.
Sometimes his tantrums are so odd to me and don’t make any sense. For example, he’ll go across the house and then demand for me to come and get him. Nope, you can walk, come on over. And then he loses it. I would just let him tantrum and leave him be until he cools down, but there have been times he’s been so upset that he has banged his head against the floor and hurt himself. It can be tricky to know when I need to step in to keep him from hurting himself, but also not give in to his demands so he learns he can get his way if he throws a big ol’ fit. It’s frustrating for me when his tantrums seem to be about things that are just plain silly (he liked to see the toilet spin and got mad when I flushed it when he was in the other room) and at times I feel like I’m walking on eggshells to avoid triggers to keep him from blowing up, but I need to remember that what’s on the surface is not usually what the tantrums are really about. At the root, they’re about communication. And he’s just so darn frustrated with it. We want to find out all we can to help Bracken, so he can enjoy life to the fullest. We all want the best for our children, to give them magical childhoods and wonderful lives.
Not long ago we were around other children and Bracken wasn’t playing with them, he was sitting next to me. I encouraged him to play. He loves being around other children, craves it, needs it. And I do my best to provide it as often as possible. He said he didn’t want to play and I asked him why. He said it was because the other kids couldn’t understand him, didn’t know what he was saying. It broke my heart and I almost cried right there. I’ve tried to help translate to the other children so he can still play. And then sometimes, though I feel selfish, I just talk with the other moms because I need the support and connection so much after a hard stretch.
Usually Bracken’s tantrums have been at home, but lately they’ve been happening out and about. At the playground Jeff saw that a few children couldn’t understand what Bracken was saying and were not being very kind to him, as can happen sometimes with groups of kids. Then I told Bracken we needed to go and he wasn’t ready to leave, and well… he blew up. (I couldn’t help but think: it’s usually children much younger who throw fits like this!) I carried him to the car while he yelled and screamed and flailed his whole body. Luckily Jeff was there to open the gate for me, and then walk behind picking up his hat and shoes and all the things he was throwing off. Once I finally got him buckled in his carseat, which was no small feat, he took a long time to calm down. Jeff went into the grocery store and came back and Bracken was still at it. He yelled at me: “go away mom!” and told me he was going to throw away his Christmas present. He was very upset. (It reminded me of the time when I was a little girl and was very angry with my mom, but can’t remember why now. All I remember is drawing a picture of my mom as a witch with a wart on her nose. When she saw it she burst out laughing, which made me mad at first because I wanted her to be mad too, but then I started laughing with her and my anger magically vanished.) I talked to him a lot. But when he is in the midst of a fit or even about to throw one, there’s no reasoning with him. Later that night he whispered in my ear “I love you so much mama.” Of course it felt good knowing that he still loves me through it all, that he can go from being so mad to loving again, just as I did as a kid. And he knows we still love him. Always. I know the best thing we can give our children is unconditional love. We love Bracken with all of our heart. Even though his tantrums are not enjoyable, to put it mildly, I’m glad that he knows he is safe to throw them with us, to let out his emotions no matter how unruly. I might get frustrated, angry. But Bracken knows afterwards that we’ll still love them. He knows that our love for him is not conditional on how he behaves. And there is the greatest sense of safety in that, isn’t there?
I remember a blog reader who came to our market booth one day. She had just read a post where I had mentioned one of Bracken’s fits. She said simply “my child doesn’t throw fits.” And then she walked away. I was a little dumbfounded. Perhaps it was just a statement, but I felt judgement behind the words, I could have just been sensitive. (When you put yourself out there so much, especially on a blog, there are bound to be people who may not think you’re doing everything the greatest and they would know how to do it a whole lot better.) If your child doesn’t throw fits, consider yourself lucky! Maybe you have great communication between you and a peaceful rhythm to your home life. Maybe your child has a pretty easy going temperament. But each child is so different. Each situation is so different. And, let’s face it, parenting is just plain hard. No one ever wants to be that parent. You know, the one holding the screaming child while all eyes are on you. You secretly think, thank goodness that’s not me. Or my child would never act that way or get it together! We all want our children to be perfectly behaved while everyone wonders what a magical home life you must have. Right? But sometimes that person holding the screaming child might be you. And you may not be perfect, but you are a darn good parent because you try so hard to do the best thing each and every day and pick yourself up again each time you feel like you’ve failed in being the parent you want to be. (Now we all know there are situations where children don’t have good living situations, but I’m talking about the majority of parents here.) What it comes down to, is that you have no idea what is on another person’s plate. When I put Bracken in his carseat the other day and we drove away in our car, Jeff turned to me and said something along the lines of: “well, that was embarassing.” Normally I would have felt really embarassed too, and I know I did a bit, but what I felt more than that? Gratitude. Because another mom made eye contact with me and she smiled at me and I felt her heart. And I didn’t feel judged. I felt loved. She had no idea how much that meant to me and how much I needed it after all we’ve been through lately. Sometimes we don’t realize how much difference a single smile can make. So if you find yourself wanting to judge someone? Why not love them instead? You have no idea they are dealing with.
………………………………
You’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with pictures of the ocean. I just really needed to write about all this, it helps me process it all. (I had no idea this was going to be so long!) But the ocean part comes in too. We hadn’t been to the ocean in so long. The ocean always makes me feel better. Always. Jeff and I have been talking about how we’ve really needed to go. Yesterday it didn’t work out that Jeff was able to come with us, but Bracken and I went and met our friends at the park and then drove to the beach together. At the park it was really windy and cold and I thought maybe it wouldn’t be the most ideal beach day, but our friend had extra layers to share. Bracken and I had read a library book about lighthouses and he had asked me about them. I explained and then told him I would bring him to a lighthouse sometime. Yesterday was the day. We went to the Heceta Head Lighthouse Beach. When we got there we realized the little cove kept us sheltered from the wind, which was a wonderful surprise.
We took a hike up to the lighthouse. We saw flowers blooming! Bracken picked a whole handful of them. We watched sea lions swimming in the water and then we got the most incredible surprise of all- a whale!! We got to see the water come out of the blow spout and then part of it’s body come out of the water. It was magical. As if that wasn’t enough, we had our own private tour to the top of the lighthouse. We looked out the windows at the top and admired the view. After our hike back down, we had our picnic right by the beach. To feel the warm sun on our faces for so long felt simply incredible. While the boys played, I chatted with my friend. I really needed a friend. She listened, encouraged, supported, understood. I started the day with a heavy heart, but after the medicine of the ocean and of good friends, I felt so much more lighthearted by the time we left. And I felt peace throughout the day, a peace I’ve been so needing to feel. I was able to step back from my life and get a little fresh perspective. This too shall pass. I know it will. Bracken was exhausted from all the walking and both of us had a peace that can come from being physically exhausted. It helps turn your mind off a bit, doesn’t it?
As I know I’ve said many times before, I don’t know all the answers. I’m learning all the time, like we all are. Sometimes I remember to change scenery as quickly as I can if I feel a fit coming on and it works great and other times I cuss and then feel like a failure (it’s such an icky way to communicate, really.) Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think I need ten times the patience that parents normally need. (I don’t, we all need a lot of it.) Sometimes I handle things with grace and peace and other times I get fed up and don’t recognize myself. Again and again I am humbled by life. Humbled by how challenging things are sometimes. Humbled in knowing that whatever challenge I’m facing, it could be so much worse and that I need to count my blessings through it all. Humbled in being reminded that the challenges can show us- loud and clear– what is really important in life. Love. Family. Friends. Each other. Humbled in deeply knowing that every challenge in my life can actually open my heart wider. To myself. To my family. To the people around me. And to everyone I come across in this world. Because really, we’re all in this together and we all need each others’ love to get through it all.
Hi Taryn,
Such a thoughtful and beautiful post. Thank you for posting of your challenges your facing with Bracken. It is so hard to raise children and for them to react and respond in ways in which you may not be able to control. Tantrums are so difficult and incredibly challenging. I wish you continued peace and love. I have three children and each of them so different and it takes a lot of patience and strength to be a good loving parent. Bracken is lucky to have you <3
Love, Valerie
P.S. We really miss you and would love to see you again soon, haven't seen you since the Winter Light Faire at Waldorf School. Lots of love!
Taryn, the ocean IS a wonderful place to get some peace. Aren’t we all so lucky to have it so close.
I sure know how uncomfortable a tantrum can be, my boys sure had them and frankly still do at times. I took a different perspective about those dreaded tantrums and that is… It can release a lot of stress for the child having one. Though the stress it creates parents can feel unbearable, we can and do handle it and do with love. Bracken is lucky to have parents like you and Jeff, he must feel safe and loved.
It is so great Bracken is getting the support from a speech pathologist, it makes a big difference getting that help early on. Good job!
I always liked Joseph Garcia’s signing books/cards/DVDs/CCDs they are user friendly and fun. I know the siuslaw public library has a collection.
Keep Up the good self care Taryn. When you and Jeff care for yourself and each other, you are in turn caring for Bracken.
Thank you for sharing, you have a beautiful family!
Amber
I know what it’s like to have a child who struggles and to have that affect their interactions with friends. It is very hard. But you and Jeff are amazing parents and were chosen for Bracken. You are doing such a good job. And… don’t tell anyone, but Beatrix (age 6) still throws tantrums. 🙂
Hi, Taryn,
I really enjoy reading your blog from time to time.
you bring kindness, peace and joy to me.
I heard of Craniosacral_therapy before.
I found a person in Chicago and have him did a couple of treatment with me. He helped so much. I went to him because I had a very strange period, that I would just see things or imaging things. It was caused by a osteopathic doctor who did not know what he was doing. I did not know how to over come it, simply thought I have gone crazy. Never thought it would happen to me so this kind of thing existed. but craniosacral, which is very similar to osteopathic, saved me. Rather is my therapist, saved me. I then learned so much more about it. My point is even it is just adjustment but be very careful, for it can be powerful for someone sensitive. find someone who would do it slowly, listen to the child. find a really good one if you would consider this, for it is wonderful for brain injury. you must observe the therapist and find a someone who your gut trust, who may have worked with children too. It maybe much easier to find a good one in your area than in Chicago.
I wish you peace, you are peace, for you have always brought that to my heart from your blog. I dream to be a mother. I am not sure if it is late. but Bracken always brought a smile to my face. I know he will overcome this and it is only a blessing in disguise.
Blessings and best wishes.
Two useful link
http://vimeo.com/93477705
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craniosacral_therapy
Dear taryn
This post was so powerful. Thank you for writing it!
I have no speech delays in my family, but a dear friend does, and it’s something I come into contact often because of it. I see the frustration her child feels (he sometimes hits my kids too..) and I sympathies with her and her son because of it.
She has not seen a speech therapist as her son still has no awareness that he can’t speak properly… Assuming that he can’t work on / change something he is not even aware of…
Apraxia, it may or may not be… As you read from so many comments, that some diagnosis fit, for some time, and then rediagnosis etc
My cousin had speech problems, she was diagnosed with an abnormally long tongue… So if may be apraxia but keep options open…
What you do as parents, is your decision, no one knows and loves bracken more than you.
Being with kids with fits is exhausting! My son is 3 weeks older than bracken, and he has given me my fare share! And I have not always been graceful and mature, though I would like to be..
I found Janet Lansbury recently, after some reading it has completely changed our tantrum situation. I recommend reading some…
If you will be doing ASL with bracken I recommend ‘my smart hands’ I used it, lots of free YouTube videos!!!!
Speech is connected with movement, if someone can’t pronounce something, then they can’t move a certain way, so one way to approach speech is through movement. Of the body!! A opposed to the mouth and tongue only- small kids find this such a chore/bore! Some info:
http://www.youandyourchildshealth
I hope that some of these names or link can help you, they helped me 🙂
Keep it fun, you can do this, you can!
You inspire me all the time , thank you, I hope I can help in some way too,
Love
Taryn … as a mother of 4 – I believe I can safely say there are no perfect children nor are there any perfect parents! All we can ever do is the best that we can given any situation or circumstance. It’s the love underneath that matters and in the end, I feel that Bracken will grow into an amazing young man because he is a special lad right now!
My Darling Daughter,
I know this journey you are on so well as I talk to you every day and am well aware of your challenges. As I read your post I am so very proud of you and awe struck with your bravery. I laughed and teared up as I read your words. I forgot about the picture you drew with the wart on my witch nose! 🙂 I am so grateful to read the encouraging words from your readers! We are on all on this journey together and must always remember to be kind, loving and understanding to each other. I look at Bracken and see him as a perfect and beautiful little boy. I think he is making breakthroughs all of the time. We will all keep loving and helping each other. I love you all so very much!
your an awesome mom! no wonder taryn is so lovely:)
This post really touched me. So sincere and deep felt. Thank you for sharing this with us other mamas. Wishing you great peace and love.
What a brave and inspiring story, it’s hard to share difficult situations with others. The truth of the matter is parenting is hard work! As moms we would walk through fire, tornadoes or a hurricane to help our child. The love we have for them is like no other. We want our children to thrive and go strong to be happy caring parents themselves. I’ll be honest I needed to hear your story, we should all be so lucky to remember to never judge, but rather be a help to other moms when needed!
Hi there Taryn,
I hadn’t checked your blog for ages, maybe a year, but I did today, and I just want to say that whatever is going on is just not your fault. Its hard not to think everything is our fault/responsibility as mothers, but really whatever Bracken is struggling with isn’t your fault.
You are a great mother, your days in your blog absolutely show that.
My children have gone through some very frustrating times, and generally these times improve, and pass.
My eldest didn’t speak for ages, I think because he didn’t need to as I was always there for him, and we had such a close bond, that sometimes words weren’t necessary, and then his speech was very frustrating for him when he did have to talk with others. He seemed so behind.
Also I think I saw that Bracken was left handed before on a photo, and just keep in mind that the world is slightly different for 5% or whatever it is, of us.
And really even if the apraxia was begun in utero, or during birth or a result of some sort of thing with older sex cells, or drugs, it doesn’t matter one jot, nothing you do can change anything. He is a product of your love in a beautiful family.
And also, anyone who says their children don’t tantrum are lying, or struggling with depression. Or they could be a mother in law – just joking!!!
Keep doing what you’re doing, you are great.
x
Wow, that little man of yours is so very lucky to have parents as amazing as you two. The love, care and devotion behind your words really shines through. I am sure you will be there supporting him through every step of his journey, whichever way it may lead! x x
Taryn,
I haven’t had to deal with the level of tantrums you do, I have had a few in my day, Just remember when he is angry, don’t take it personally. You probably know this already. It does not reflect on you as a mom or Jeff as a dad. It says nothing about how much you love him, It just says like you mention He is frustrated and maybe tired and doesn’t know how to deal with it. I never ever paid attention to other peoples reactions. Ignore them. If their kids never throw fits I am sure they did other annoying things. No one has perfect kids. You guys are amazing parents and Bracken knows this. So does everyone else. I loved hearing about you trip to the coast, We often did that when the kids were young as part of homeschooling. We would read about it in a book then go find it in real life. They loved it. You are doing great. On the hard days just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Somedays that is the best we can do. I want to encourage you. Hugs!
you are lovely, and stronger than you know:) they say life gives us what we need, or who we need,i think souls connect together for a reason, that little guy has a beautiful soul! and a mama who sees and nurtures it, smile for yourself, you are bringing the light within out in bracken:)
oh, Taryn, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this trial. We all want to have happy, healthy children with joyful, happy childhoods, but sometimes things just go a little bit sideways. You and Jeff are loving parents doing everything you can do to provide a wonderful life for little Bracken. As a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 9 (so far) I have seen my loved ones go through lots of things. We’ve never dealt with apraxia of speech but I’m sure you are doing everything on your power to find answers. Those people who give you rude stares or unkind comments are seriously lacking in sensitivity and understanding. Pay them no mind. I will be praying for your family as you travel this difficult path.
Hi Taryn,
I follow your lovely blog, and deeply appreciate your gorgeous photography, but don’t often reply. But your post here was so complex and heartfelt, I wanted to share my meager experience.
First, Bracken is very young to be diagnosed with apraxia. My non-professional understanding is that apraxia cannot be diagnosed until there is a sufficient gap between expected expressive speech and actual expressive speech. When my son was three, we met with a friend’s speech therapist, who, over the course of a play date, told me that my son was severely delayed and probably had apraxia. In a panic, I phoned my very experienced pediatrician, who urged me to wait until my son was older to have him evaluated. (This was a boy who had, including “the cow says moo,” had about ten words on his second birthday.) Finally, when he entered a homeschool charter at age five, he was judged sufficiently delayed to merit speech therapy; he was found to be about two years delayed in terms of comprehensibility.
Two years of speech therapy–for articulation–and he was right as rain. (including his “r” sounds!) He was also slightly delayed in terms of reading, which we addressed with a homeschool phonics program.
I’m sharing this story with you because I think that most articulation issues don’t make it into big disability blogs or books. But my son found communication very difficult for his early years, and we saw definite behavioral consequences of that, with the longest-lasting being a difficulty in making close same-aged friends. Now, at age 9, he has several, but nothing like my eldest daughter, who had a best friend at age 2, and every year afterward.
Hang in there. If Bracken understands you and Jeff, and makes big efforts to communicate with you, my belief is that the rest will come out in the wash. It’s wonderful that you are already in speech therapy. Practice when he can, leave it when he can’t. And by all means, check out Thomas Sowell’s book “Late Talking Children” which has many examples of children whose language development was off the scale, but whose growth later eclipsed these early difficulties.
Oh, and my neurotypical and language-gifted three-year old (girl) has about four tantrums a day. So don’t feel that tantrums are unusual at all for this age range. They have adult-sized emotions jammed in those tiny bodies!
Thank you for sharing your story and being honest and true. I appreciate the reminder of kindness as well because we really never know what others are going through. Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way.
Taryn, I have NO idea what you are going through. But you said it all in one little line. It could be so much worse. I have always thought you were a wonderful mother. I can see it in your sweet little boy. He is a blessing all by himself. He will be ok with you and Jeff as his mom and dad.
And next time I see a momma with a screaming little child in her arms, I will try to catch her eyes and smile.
So keep doing what you’re doing. YOU are the only one who can.
Oh Taryn, this post made me tear up ( although these days pregnancy hormones may have something to do with it). You’re doing such a good job being a mama and it can be so hard sometimes. Hugs, love & light to all 3 of you. -Amanda
My love to you.
Reading this makes me smile because your words are so true and encouraging to a mother!
It’s okay to be frustrated and angry at times when it’s too hard.
I just listened to this (http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/544/batman) radio show yesterday and want to share it with you just now, because it was the first thing coming to my mind when reading about Brackens speech particularity.
Hugs!
Peace, love, and blessings to you and Bracken and Jeff.
Giving you a hug in my thoughts right now!
Sending you hugs, thoughts and wishing you many, many moments of peace.
Oh, I know how hard it is. My son has aspergers and had the same issues you are describing when he was young. Head banging was a typical symptom, where he would bang his head on the wall or floor when frustrated. It was very hard…he would also try to slap me sometimes when he was having a fit. Early intervention was key for him. He did not transition well such as when we would suddenly decide to go somewhere…he needed time to process changes. Finding busy quiet things he could do really helped him. It just helps him when he is mentally busy doing independent things, not so much with a group, though he enjoyed groups, he got overwhelmed a lot in group settings.
I am not saying Bracken has this issue…but maybe you should research it a little to see if you think it fits…it is called emotional lability. Even though Bracken has many similarities to my autistic son, he also shares many traits with my daughter, who is a brain cancer survivor and has neurological damage as a result. Many of the things you describe go hand in hand with damage to the posterior fossa region of the brain.
Has he has an MRI of the brain to identify the damaged area?
Last time you wrote about your son’s speech I wrote a long comment about my grandson Levi. Today so many of your comments reminded me of him like being at the park and seeing him try to befriend other kids and seeing them turn away because they didn’t understand him. It just broke my heart. Then there is the issue of tantrums. Oh dear, that is a hard one for me as his mother (my daughter) was such an easy child to raise that I just don’t have the skill set to deal with Levi sometimes. When asked to make quick changes Levi can’t seem to do it as fast as we expect him to. For example, if he’s taking a bath (a much loved activity) we must warn him several times that its time to get out of the water or he pitches a fit. We’ve all learned to accommodate and warn him of changing activities and our expectations for him whenever we do things with him. He’s been going to both speech therapy and occupational therapy for sensory processing disorder and both have really helped him. My daughter tried the gluten free, dye free, dairy free eating plan for 4 years with Levi and has recently gone back to letting him eat some gluten and some dairy and sees no behavioral change. Perhaps he’s grown out of some of his behavioral issues now that he’s 7 or it just didn’t make a difference? We don’t know but do know that he’s sleeping better now that he’s older without so many nightmares.
Taryn, please try as many options as you can with Bracken as you just never know what will help him the best. He will know that you want the best for him and that you will always be there for him. Just knowing this about their parents helps kids in so many ways. My best thoughts are with you as you travel this long journey.
This was the most moving, honest, real, heartbreaking yet inspirational post I have ever read from any blog. Every word held truth and love. Thank you for writing it.
I wish I lived closer to be that smile and friend needed.
You are amazing parents to an amazing little boy.
Know you are being thought of and sent love and thoughts from near and far.
And yes there is nothing better for the soul than the ocean. That is why I choose to live surrounded by it.
Wishing you much peace from NS ,Canada.
I feel for you and your whole family,for what you are going through with Bracken.both of my grandsons,ages 13 and 9,are autistic.the older one was speech delayed and was not understandable until age 5,and he has aspergers.the younger one suffers from a language processing disorder,and is considered nonverbal though he speaks infrequently.he has pervasive developmental disorder,a moderate form of autism.he also suffers from echolalia,repeating everything he hears.we have used that to our advantage to teach him to talk.he was verbal before the age of two when the autism symptoms began,and then he completely lost speech and we had to start teaching him to speak again.we have focused on verbal speech,because we believed that he spoke before,he can speak again.we have also used sign language,picture systems(pecs they are called)and an iPad at school.he goes to an autism school and receives speech therapy there.he throws fits.they have been epic at times,broken windows and arms epic…in pubic,lying on the floor shrieking epic…the minute I say something out loud about dealing with autism,the stern frowns on faces turn to sheepish smiles,and people offer assistance instead of judgement…most people just look away,glad that this isn’t their burden…but actually,it is a gift.a gift if being given the chance to explore life from the perspective of someone who didn’t come into this life just like everyone else,someone who came here to teach us it is okay to be different,it is okay to just the way you are…it is a blessing that you share with Bracken,his unique perspective on the world,and the love you all share is the gift you give to each other and the world…thank you for sharing it with all of us….<3
Thanks for sharing this. I wanted to let you know you’ve got someone thinking about your family and sending peaceful thoughts your way from Virginia.
Sending you love from across the country. And, wishing you many trips to the ocean for peace.
Thanks for sharing, its really hard to be living through tough parenting times and you are bold to blog about it :). I’ve been there with the meltdowns with my middle boy and often in public, when it feels that yours in the only child acting that way and its a bad reflection of your parenting. I can only echo your own thoughts that ‘this to will pass’ and some kids are just more prone to it, some kids don’t have fits but thats more about their personality than the parenting in my experience. You and Jeff are great parents and Bracken is so blessed to be at home with you guys, having the life he has. He is in the best possible place, with the best folks to be helping him with his speech. All good things!
Thank you for sharing this! Scarlett and I miss you and Bracken and Rainbow Bridge! I appreciate you sharing your story. Everyone has struggles and each is different. Parenting is hard no matter what and we all just need to support one another unconditionally too. You are a great mama! I hope you and Jeff are able to find just the right information that will help Bracken and your family best! Hugs to you!
yes, i have been that mama too, the one with the child mid meltdown, a child who seems waaaay to old to be freaking out that hard. ((hugs)) ((hugs)) and more ((hugs)).
it is good you know what is going on now, but it doesn’t sound like an easy road ahead. i hope as time goes by it become some what easier for your little guy.
and i swear it doesn’t seem like there is anything the ocean can not fix. <3
I wish I could give you a big ol’ hug – I dealt with a lot of tantrums and acting out with one of my children and I just can’t believe the thoughtlessness of that reader/customer at your booth. Ugh… we all have our quirks. Our children aren’t perfect and I daresay hers aren’t either. Good for you for keeping your head up and to you and Jeff for focusing on what is best for your little guy even as you are trying to discover it bit by bit.
I don’t know if your speech therapist has suggested it, or if you’ve already researched it, but I’m wondering if learning some ASL signs would be helpful for Bracken. My daughter didn’t talk at the average age, but clearly understood what was being said. I already had an interest in signing and taught her to communicate with signs – whenever I couldn’t understand what she was trying to SAY, I’d ask if she knew the SIGN for it. We were able to communicate much more effectively and it did help with her frustration many times when she was trying to tell me things and I just couldn’t quite get what she meant.
It might not be appropriate for your family if you all agree that Bracken should only focus on practice physically speaking, but if you think you’d like to give it a try, please know you are welcome to email me and I will share the names of a variety of resources we loved and made good use of. We used ASL signs with the other kids too until they were speaking and it was helpful for all of them, but I saw the most benefit from my late talker (who we now joke hasn’t “hushed up” since she stopped signing and started talking *wink*).
Wishing you many blessings.
Sweet Mama!
My heart goes out to you, Jeff and Bracken. What a challenging journey you are on… Thank you for sharing and I’m hoping we can help out in any way possible. Looking forward to seeing you soon. And brainstorming ideas, if you are interested. Or even just a hug and a smile. <3
Love,
Monet
Just want you to know I love you guys! You’re all incredible!
Your situation sounds complicated and commend you strength and resiliency with your son. I am a professional in the mental health field and a mom myself. I would recommend a full neurological work up including a brain scan to look at everything going and then look at possibly some additional treatment resources. I bet Portland has a good pediatric neurologist. I have been reading ADHD with Drugs book to help children and adult I work with treat ADHD without medications and they recommend a lot things for behavioral issues that we don’t always think of such as screening for nutritional deficits and supplements such a fish oil which can help with brain issues. Good luck
I wish I could hug you.
Beautiful, honest and real. I have been where you are and it does pass, sometimes easily, sometimes not………..your grace will carry you~ and Jeff of coarse, he will help you! Blessings!
I’ve read your blog from the month of Bracken’s birth. You are amazing. I know what you are going through with his fits. My daughter did this and banged her head even when she was a babe. I didn’t know if it would ever stop. (IT DID)…Can you teach him sign language? It might help him to feel more in control of his own life. Remember, you are great parents and you are doing a great job. …
Dear Taryn, wow, thanks for that blog. It’s a hard slog sometimes and there sure seems like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. My first and second sons were angels, well behaved, obedient, social and interacted well. I’m ashamed to admit that looking back I think I enjoyed a certain status as the mother of two such children and many invitations came my way as other mums encouraged friendships with my sons. Then came thir d boy. Immature, rambunctious and annoying. I could tell he irritated the other children and boy the glances I got from other parents…soul destroying. I wanted to shout “can’t you all see his beautiful little nature?” needless to say he is eight and has never been invited to a party or play date and is aware that he is disliked. I embrass him for who he is, I ENCOURGE MATURE BEHAVIOUR BUT let him know I love his rambunctious and fiesty side. I do this every day of his life and each day is filled with challenges but I’ve grown keenly aware of who he is as an individual and I’ve adapted to accept him even though the effort that requires is something I never imagined I was up for. As he’s grown I see him growing in maturity and what seemed disastrous behaiours are improving ever so slightly. If a child is even remotely tolerant of him I ring the parent and thank them for raising their child so well. I find they then encourage their child to be more tolerant.Keep going. things will improve as milestones are reached. SET small goals and lots of them. keep humble and patient and step back from the worst moments so they don’t engulf you. Good luck
So many words, not yours but mine. I don’t know which ones to write. I know a version of your story very well and I want to send words of wisdom and encouragement, peace and hope. But I think you have already written them. Your words make my heart ache and smile at the same time. That is the definition of mother, is it not. Thank you for being brave and wise. For sharing your story for us that have been there, are struggling daily or may just beginning the journey.
How wonderful you live where you live and have such a dear friend. I was near that beach 10 days ago, it never cease’s to be magical. Who knows, maybe our paths will cross someday.
Thank you for sharing this, Taryn. I have enjoyed your blog for so long and admire and am grateful for your honesty and the degree to which you share so much of your families lives. I imagine that writing helps you work through some of your questions and feelings but I hope you know that your words help your readers, too. I cannot imagine seeing a mother caring for her unhappy child and looking at her with anything but love and support (as long as she was acting in a loving way, of course.) I would probably go over and offer to help. Parents need to help each other, not judge. Just another example of how separate we have all become. Your love for your family just jumps off the screen through your words and photos. And, I do believe, love is all you need. Big hugs coming to you all the way from NC!
Taryn, when we have children we can never know what the days and years will bring us. The happiest moments for sure and sometimes the hardest, scariest, or saddest times of our lives. Never worry about what someone else thinks or let it get in the way of you doing the right things for Bracken. Sandy
Watching your child struggle is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. The best you can do is keep loving them, supporting them, and giving them opportunities to grow. My two children have autism spectrum disorders. I know what it is like to have a child left out because they don’t fit in, for them to be laughed at because of their mispronunciations, for them to be so frustrated that the only way they can express it is through complete and total release. Keep doing what your’re doing, giving Bracken a safe place and safe people to grow around.
I have been reading your blog since 2010, though I have commented only a few times. I live too far away to meet your eyes and smile (I’m in Nelson, BC), but know that I am keeping your family in my thoughts.
This post was so beautiful Taryn and I just want you to know what amazing parents I think You and Jeff are and how lucky Bracken is to have you! I know the challenges of parenting can be great, and even more so when our child has challenges to overcome, but everything about the way you approach it exudes great love. I am always here if you ever need a supportive ear.
You are an incredible woman, mother and inspiration. I’ve read your blog for years and am always grateful for your positive outlook and sharing of your life wether simple or extremely difficult. sending you all love, strength and my prayers through this part of your journey.