{Random, recent snapshots: still finding strawberries here and there in the garden. A beautiful (double) rainbow on our way home. A big bag of basil turned into a freezer full of pesto. Felting experiments outside. Little (gloved) hands bringing in the cucumbers. Jars of blackberry applesauce.}

My Grandpa K passed away yesterday. I’m sure going to miss him. It made me feel deeply, deeply grateful that I was able to be there for his 90th birthday in April. I knew in my heart that was going to be the last time I would see him and I said goodbye to him in my own way while I was there. I cried on the plane ride home, knowing that. My Grandpa K was there when I was born. He came all the way from Ames, Iowa to Santa Barbara, California for my birth. My dad said the first thing he said when he saw me was that I looked just like him. My middle name, Kae, is after him. I cried when my dad called and told me he wasn’t doing well and I cried when I heard the news that he had passed on, but I haven’t let the tears out much yet and I have much more crying to do. It’s there on the edge when I stop for a moment and take a breath. I’ve been in “go” mode, tying up loose ends around here so Bracken and I can fly to Iowa to be there in time for the funeral.

We traded with friends for all the basil they had left at the end of the day after farmer’s market on Saturday. I spent Sunday making pesto, pesto, and more pesto. At the end of the day Jeff stepped in and finished the last batches, as my energy waned. We got nearly forty jars (of various sizes) in the freezer. I still want to make more, though, because I’d like it to last until next year’s basil comes around. As soon as I heard news that my grandpa wasn’t doing well and that family was starting to head that way, I began working to wrap things up around here so I could leave at a moment’s notice. We harvested in the garden and I worked to get the produce processed, and the laundry caught up. Before I knew about my grandpa, we had made plans with a neighbor to trade for apples, and we needed to get those apples processed before I left. So, today, while I was trying to pack the suitcase and get ready to leave tomorrow, we canned applesauce. Jeff has been scrambling to get ready for an upcoming festival, so it was a whirlwind around here as we all went to and fro. We got 28 quarts of applesauce made, some with blackberries and some with ginger. It was a bit of a crazy day, but I honestly don’t ever feel caught up enough around here to do a canning project, so sometimes diving in is best, even when things are really busy. Because then you have jars in the winter and are glad you did so.

Now everything is as wrapped up as it is going to be. Bracken and I leave in the morning. This space will be quiet until we return. I’m planning to be back here for Gratitude Sunday on Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, I need to step out of my daily life and have the world slow down for a bit. I don’t want to go to the grocery store or the post office or anywhere else and feel like everything is normal here in my life in Oregon. I want to hit the pause button. I want to go back to Iowa, share stories and memories of my grandfather with family, and let the tears fall. I’ve been in the mode of “needing to get it all done and then I can take a step away and finally cry.” It’s been a flurry of activity, and now I’m ready to take that step away and join my family in celebrating the life of a wonderful man whom we all loved so dearly.